And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
