I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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