what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
