please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
