I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
