I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
