My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
