My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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