haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
