There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
