I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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