I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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