tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
