I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
