this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
