He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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