that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
