Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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