Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
