How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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