Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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