thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
