If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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