My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
