I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
