My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
