I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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