Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
