I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
