I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
