So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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