Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
