dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
