I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
