Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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