My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
