What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
