We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
