the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
