I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
