I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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