He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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