Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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