Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
