were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
