Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
