Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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