living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
