I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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