I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Buhtt sex?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
