fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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