How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
