This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
