So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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