I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
