what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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