I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It was like giving head to a cactus.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
