the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
